Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I Don't Think I Want To Play Major Hide and Seek...

A good friend of mine was down visiting this holiday with his two young kids, and Amy and I went to his parents' house for a halibut barbecue that was kind of amazing.  Before, after and in-between dinner, my wife and I entertained the kids with chalk drawings, marshmallow guns, and throwing the ball for the dogs, when the oldest boy asked us if we wanted to play Major Hide and Seek.  From the devilish look on his face, I was fairly certain that this was not a game that we would be interested in and I could almost hear the gears turning as his testing smile widened.

According to my friend's son, Major Hide and Seek involves someone hiding, of course, but when they are found, the hider has to pull their pants down and they are spanked by the finder.  He was right, this is pretty major and nothing I want any part of, especially not with any kids around.  Many years ago in college with a handpicked crew of ladies I was enamored with... oh yeah, Major Hide and Seek would have definitely been on, but tonight...no f-ing way.

How not to play major hide and seek
This is the Major Hide and Seek I had in mind!

The kid was definitely testing us for our reaction and when I agreed to that we should play, but he had to hide first, he replied with a firm, "No way!" and he took off running chanting, "No way, no way, no way!"  That's right, didn't think so.

Some of the things that kids come up with are seriously mental and twisted and at times parents need to take a moment to explain their explanations to the unending barrage of questions that children unleash upon them.  Take for instance the time that I was six years old and in the back seat of my parents' beat up blue station wagon and watching the full moon in the night's sky.  I remember being completely baffled as to why we were able to be in a moving car and where every building, sign, and lamppost we passed faded into the distance, yet the moon continued to stay with us the whole time.  Young Donist that I was was disturbed by this idea and I asked my dad what was going on and he told me something about the gravitational pull of earth causing the moon to circle above.

I pondered this for a moment and concluded that "gravitational pull" was actually a robot arm that encircled the moon and pulled it through the night sky.  This, however, posed a multitude of new questions:  Why did the robotic arm pull the moon at the same speed as our car?  Did the robot arm ever mess up and leave the moon behind?  If a giant invisible claw gripped the moon and an arm pulled the moon through the sky, what was on the other end of the arm?  Who drove the arm?  Who made the decision to create the moon and a giant arm to pull it across the sky?  Huh?  Needless to say, I was abnormally quiet for the rest of the car ride home that evening, completely lost in thought and trying to hash out these new ideas; this all succeeded in further confusing the hell out of me.

For an incredibly insightful look at what goes on in the mind of a little boy, check out the mind-blowingly awesome webcomic Axe Cop.  This is a comic that has been written by a 5 year old boy and illustrated by his 29 year old brother.  Axe Cop is about a cop, Axe Cop, that is constantly on the hunt for bad guys and wishes to chop their heads off.  Joined by a T-Rex with machine gun arms, his (unknown to Axe Cop) brother, Flute Cop, who later transforms into Dinosaur Soldier and then into Avocado Soldier and then into Uni-Avocado Soldier and an entourage of other crazy characters like a man with socks for arms, a talking dog with shades called Ralph Wrinkles, a lobster-man-dog and an ever expanding group of heroes and villains, Axe Cop is one of the coolest things I have ever seen.  I cannot wait for it to be collected into a book someday.  Go check it out and buy a shirt, poster or something...these guys deserve to hit it big.


Ack...time to go to work, or maybe I should call in sick and get a game of Major Hide and Seek going...

Again, the right way to play Major Hide and Seek.

*also check out www.superdickery.com to see tons of crazy comic book moments like the pictures I have used above.

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